today mark the day of my improvement

it had been many days that i become perplexed by my senior words, my friend's judgement. and also my own evil thought.

now it's about time i lay my hand down,  pick up only what is important, how to build myself to become a better person. and most importantly, improve myself in a way that satisfies everyone.

spread more love.... and less hatred...

doctor to be... my own dream now :))

THAT PHASE

now i'm at the phase where whatever i did, i don't even know whether it would be correct or not.

sometimes i found myself downgrading my own capabilities.
lots of people can see my potential. but i'm too insecure of my own self esteem.

i don't even know whether i can be mad at people or not, i don't even know whether can i speak whatever i feel like speaking. i had a fear of criticism and also judgement.
so a lot of the time, i would be "takpelahh" rather than running from problems, i would be like "I DON'T GIVE A DAMN FUCK ABOUT IT"

is it consider as running away?
i spoke with my seniors, asking them what you see in me.
she said im a type of girl that people would step on you thus you have no event in your life that would make you tick off or change.

i looked back and reflect that night.
i prayed solemnly to Allah.
i asked myself a few time,
did i just run away from my problems?
that is why i don't feel the pain?
but if i do face it, how i would handle it?
then again, my fear start to kick in.
fear of falling, fear of crashing down by my own mental psychology,
am i taking the right step?

my real issues in life would be how to make a good communication and conversation.
without the interfere of that person like me or that person is interest in me.
i'm tired of my own way of thinking, and i'm tired to face the society.
i'm just tired and feel like shutting off from this world.

human are being human

hi guys,, so i'm in my first year of being a college student in usmkle. basically, i'm financially support by my parents. i thank Allah everyday, that my family can afford sending me to India. if not, i don't know what i would do.

my senior once said
we don't get triggered by others who use money for travel. let your money flow for education's purposes.

they also said:
 if someone got higher marks than you even though they study less than you. don't get down. everyday you learn new things and with your persistent learning, success will come. 

learn life the hard way

now i realize,
every time you try to look up to those successful people whom you admire and respect with a dream to be like one,
you need to also look down to those who are in need, who hurdle more problems in life than you have ever experience.

yet sometimes, i got bicker, i got mad and ask myself "why my life is like this?! why i encounter these kind of people?"

but little did i know, there are people out there making doa, in thankful mood for the food they got for the first time today, in anxious mood thinking when they will die as battle strike upon their country, in resigned mood for the broken family and handicapped children.
how there are many people out there, wishing for a good life like us, yet we still live in vain and clueless about what we want actually in our life.
most of the point that people neglect: every time you look up, you need to look down.
like i said, every time look up, you have to and need to look down.

in life, we prevent ourselves from an evil act of human, listening to peoples' story about this and that. then, take a handful of advice for your better future. but we often neglect the nice people around us, who help, we forget to show our gratitude due to our ignorant self.
we are too busy preparing ourselves from bad guys that we foresee the good deed some human did. forgetting to show gratitude, instead, preparing ourselves by building a higher guard to save yourself. and i don't know how a high wall can save you. it can be broken you know. you can use some tools and settle this damn wall.

but when it comes to unity, it will never die. and you will always be secure physically and mentally. people can give you the warmest advice. people can help you when one's is in need. you can't live without them. yess. but most importantly, we can't live without our creator who could gives us the most calming inner peace that we have ever had. i learn not to depend on human the hard way. letting your heart to a man won't make you happier. once, you let your man support your heart. their absence will surely break you even more. i can't say this man don't deserve me. i can't say i hate him when deep in heart i still do. but, all i can do is pray to Allah for his better outcome and me, to learn what i've been through is not permanent and will eventually go away. well it is not. when i think about him, i still feel sad and like him even more, but one ting for sure, praying keep myself from doing the absurd thing like yelling at him or tell him to go away. if i follow my heart, i've been dying to do that. but on the contrary of my iman, i let him go in the most blissful way. i love Allah. and my heart belongs to Allah. i want to be in love because of Allah. to have children or building my marriage empire because of Allah. but right now i'm still weak. may Allah protect us and guide us to the right path.💗💜

we all need to learn how to love, learn how to receive and learn when to protect and guard ourselves. i leave it to you to figure that out.

in life, you will encounter with people that will bring you down, people who be little of what you did and say, people who judge you based on your appearance.

but always keep in heart, that what you did is for Allah, Our Creator. Who create this world.
don't love your boyfriend more than you love Allah.
don't love your family, friends and husband more than you love Allah.

but love them because of Allah.
that's our main objective in life. guide us.. guide muslims, and guide non muslim to the right path.
if islam is not the right path i would choose the other path.
but living in vain, i couldn't see any other religion more guided and well constructed other than islam.
no question needed when it is related to Islam Law. because most of them are unquestionable due to its logic.

research shows tht 80% contents in al quran is true. while remaining 20% is unknown. they don't say it's correct or false but that 20% is where al quran will prone to be true as time goes by. that means they still on research and sooner or later, truth will be reveal.

not talking to him is better than talking to him. because all i receive is a judgement statement. not a single of encouragement but only fault to be pick.

why why you have to do that?
not only that, you even get mad because you think i don't have better judgement on things and i tend to follow what other people says. not thinking what you think is way better than noticing your opinion about me.

damn you...

im more thankful thinking that im not your favourite rather than to hurdle this relationship that i'm not even comfortable at first...

damn you....

why i have to be your favorite? pls take back your words.

relationship was create between to parties who we want to be comfortable with and accept each other jokes. but your words are unaccepted.

interview for usm-kle

okay hiiii. most of you who want to apply it or already got the iv letter mesti cari this kind of entry. sokay. ai ponn sama gak dulu hahahaha

i go straight to the point lah because i really hate entry that's start with you life lah bla bla haihh.

okay during my time,you need to be there by 7.30 am at usm kelantan. don't go yg penang nye lak.
then pegi bahagian bangunan yg tulis "pusat pengajian sains perubatan" x silap die dekat dgn entrance.
ok then you wear a very nice clothes lah. that's appropriate for the iv.
then you just register yourself and continue follow your supervisor, something like that. then will be gather in a room to wait for your next turn. THEN BALIK.
senang je weh. i even slept during my flight time hahahaha cos i don't feel that nervous honestly. you just have to be confident and don't make your english probs as a barrier to you ok ? even i tak thu english but bantai je lah.

but before you go for the iv, pls do some research about it. pls and pls. they will ask knowledge about the university and all (but for mine simple je tk de pon tnye pelik pelik)

okay the question are:
tell me about yourself? you just tell ur name, where you study, your personality and anything you want lah
why you choose this usm kle? erm,, ni jwb je jujur. hahaha most of them know we pick this course as a backup plan. so yeah hehehe just tell honestly why. honesty beat them all.
why you want medic? why don't you want to be a nurse? nurse pon tolong orang? nurse pon belajar anotomy semua? .......i laugh and answer with confident hahahahaha
then he ask about my financial? who would support your study? cos jpa don't cover for our prog usm-kle? (yes, you have to pay on your own or find a scholarship )

that's all. they don't ask much. then by 11am i already finish.