THAT PHASE

now i'm at the phase where whatever i did, i don't even know whether it would be correct or not.

sometimes i found myself downgrading my own capabilities.
lots of people can see my potential. but i'm too insecure of my own self esteem.

i don't even know whether i can be mad at people or not, i don't even know whether can i speak whatever i feel like speaking. i had a fear of criticism and also judgement.
so a lot of the time, i would be "takpelahh" rather than running from problems, i would be like "I DON'T GIVE A DAMN FUCK ABOUT IT"

is it consider as running away?
i spoke with my seniors, asking them what you see in me.
she said im a type of girl that people would step on you thus you have no event in your life that would make you tick off or change.

i looked back and reflect that night.
i prayed solemnly to Allah.
i asked myself a few time,
did i just run away from my problems?
that is why i don't feel the pain?
but if i do face it, how i would handle it?
then again, my fear start to kick in.
fear of falling, fear of crashing down by my own mental psychology,
am i taking the right step?

my real issues in life would be how to make a good communication and conversation.
without the interfere of that person like me or that person is interest in me.
i'm tired of my own way of thinking, and i'm tired to face the society.
i'm just tired and feel like shutting off from this world.