learn life the hard way

now i realize,
every time you try to look up to those successful people whom you admire and respect with a dream to be like one,
you need to also look down to those who are in need, who hurdle more problems in life than you have ever experience.

yet sometimes, i got bicker, i got mad and ask myself "why my life is like this?! why i encounter these kind of people?"

but little did i know, there are people out there making doa, in thankful mood for the food they got for the first time today, in anxious mood thinking when they will die as battle strike upon their country, in resigned mood for the broken family and handicapped children.
how there are many people out there, wishing for a good life like us, yet we still live in vain and clueless about what we want actually in our life.
most of the point that people neglect: every time you look up, you need to look down.
like i said, every time look up, you have to and need to look down.

in life, we prevent ourselves from an evil act of human, listening to peoples' story about this and that. then, take a handful of advice for your better future. but we often neglect the nice people around us, who help, we forget to show our gratitude due to our ignorant self.
we are too busy preparing ourselves from bad guys that we foresee the good deed some human did. forgetting to show gratitude, instead, preparing ourselves by building a higher guard to save yourself. and i don't know how a high wall can save you. it can be broken you know. you can use some tools and settle this damn wall.

but when it comes to unity, it will never die. and you will always be secure physically and mentally. people can give you the warmest advice. people can help you when one's is in need. you can't live without them. yess. but most importantly, we can't live without our creator who could gives us the most calming inner peace that we have ever had. i learn not to depend on human the hard way. letting your heart to a man won't make you happier. once, you let your man support your heart. their absence will surely break you even more. i can't say this man don't deserve me. i can't say i hate him when deep in heart i still do. but, all i can do is pray to Allah for his better outcome and me, to learn what i've been through is not permanent and will eventually go away. well it is not. when i think about him, i still feel sad and like him even more, but one ting for sure, praying keep myself from doing the absurd thing like yelling at him or tell him to go away. if i follow my heart, i've been dying to do that. but on the contrary of my iman, i let him go in the most blissful way. i love Allah. and my heart belongs to Allah. i want to be in love because of Allah. to have children or building my marriage empire because of Allah. but right now i'm still weak. may Allah protect us and guide us to the right path.💗💜

we all need to learn how to love, learn how to receive and learn when to protect and guard ourselves. i leave it to you to figure that out.

in life, you will encounter with people that will bring you down, people who be little of what you did and say, people who judge you based on your appearance.

but always keep in heart, that what you did is for Allah, Our Creator. Who create this world.
don't love your boyfriend more than you love Allah.
don't love your family, friends and husband more than you love Allah.

but love them because of Allah.
that's our main objective in life. guide us.. guide muslims, and guide non muslim to the right path.
if islam is not the right path i would choose the other path.
but living in vain, i couldn't see any other religion more guided and well constructed other than islam.
no question needed when it is related to Islam Law. because most of them are unquestionable due to its logic.

research shows tht 80% contents in al quran is true. while remaining 20% is unknown. they don't say it's correct or false but that 20% is where al quran will prone to be true as time goes by. that means they still on research and sooner or later, truth will be reveal.

not talking to him is better than talking to him. because all i receive is a judgement statement. not a single of encouragement but only fault to be pick.

why why you have to do that?
not only that, you even get mad because you think i don't have better judgement on things and i tend to follow what other people says. not thinking what you think is way better than noticing your opinion about me.

damn you...

im more thankful thinking that im not your favourite rather than to hurdle this relationship that i'm not even comfortable at first...

damn you....

why i have to be your favorite? pls take back your words.

relationship was create between to parties who we want to be comfortable with and accept each other jokes. but your words are unaccepted.

interview for usm-kle

okay hiiii. most of you who want to apply it or already got the iv letter mesti cari this kind of entry. sokay. ai ponn sama gak dulu hahahaha

i go straight to the point lah because i really hate entry that's start with you life lah bla bla haihh.

okay during my time,you need to be there by 7.30 am at usm kelantan. don't go yg penang nye lak.
then pegi bahagian bangunan yg tulis "pusat pengajian sains perubatan" x silap die dekat dgn entrance.
ok then you wear a very nice clothes lah. that's appropriate for the iv.
then you just register yourself and continue follow your supervisor, something like that. then will be gather in a room to wait for your next turn. THEN BALIK.
senang je weh. i even slept during my flight time hahahaha cos i don't feel that nervous honestly. you just have to be confident and don't make your english probs as a barrier to you ok ? even i tak thu english but bantai je lah.

but before you go for the iv, pls do some research about it. pls and pls. they will ask knowledge about the university and all (but for mine simple je tk de pon tnye pelik pelik)

okay the question are:
tell me about yourself? you just tell ur name, where you study, your personality and anything you want lah
why you choose this usm kle? erm,, ni jwb je jujur. hahaha most of them know we pick this course as a backup plan. so yeah hehehe just tell honestly why. honesty beat them all.
why you want medic? why don't you want to be a nurse? nurse pon tolong orang? nurse pon belajar anotomy semua? .......i laugh and answer with confident hahahahaha
then he ask about my financial? who would support your study? cos jpa don't cover for our prog usm-kle? (yes, you have to pay on your own or find a scholarship )

that's all. they don't ask much. then by 11am i already finish.

now i understand

yes i maybe say that i don't understand why some people don't blame themselves when they misbehave or something happened to them.
now.. i understand....

some people are fill with negativity and some are positivity.  you just got to born with it. i must say i was born not to care. and that is why i rarely blame others for what happen. but as i got older, i see how society influence us in many different ways. we may get negative along the way or the other way round. but ppl who is having a hard time because of someone, it's rude for me to just say FORGIVE. because i know it's not easy. eventho you want to forgive, you tend to remember back what he or she did, then you will start to boil up.

thus, it's rude for me to not understand people who couldn't open to society because society have influence them in a negative way. they tend to keep barrier so that they won't be hurt again. i know it's not easy, to be living like that when human's love is what you want the most. this is just a for protection to yourself. i understand. it is not easy. society aren't helping.

some of you may built a trauma or anxiety along the way. but just so you know, it is not your fault. don't blame yourself for what happened. this context must be a contrary from what i wrote previously but i just learn that not blaming yourself is the best way for people who experience too much burden upon themselves that make them so reluctant to continue living.

to those people, i just want to give a hug and pet on the back while saying "YOU DID ENOUGH DEAR, DO WHAT YOU THINK BEST FOR YOU"

BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY THINK I COULD GIVE.

when a person were given a task that he or she dont have the strength to continue surviving, that's when he or she lose patient and need support from others.

let me land you guys a word of comfort. "i do understand, and i know it's not easy but keep fighting because you worth a million than you think you are."

if i cant comfort you enough. go to Allah, and tell Him everything. Almighty God knows our pain my dear. seriously.

"you won't know EXACTLY how someone's feeling unless it is given the task upon you"

its just sad

its so sad, when you think your parents don't love and care for u but act they do love and carE. it's sad because in the end, you blame them for not getting the love you should get. but it's not. it's all your fault because they didn't MEAN TO HURT YOU YET YOU FEEL HURT. same as you annoy someone without you realise. is it ur fault when you didn't mean to? NO IT'S NOT UR FAULT.

it's abs someone's fault if his or her intention is to make you mad or annoyed.
i feel so mad at my bro truthfully i do. why he didn't see the love mama and ayah kasi? why must he dwell on past and said, mama and ayah are the reason he become like that.
you know what. you almost make me mencarut to you. HOW FUCKING SELFISH. and don't say i dont understand. i do. they are my parents i know them. but do i dwell? no! because i know they did it for a reason. i pernah kene tarik rambut lah sbb rebut remote. ayah pernah marah i lah sbb menangis time tu telinga berdarah die suruh diam. but do i blame him for it? no. cos it's all my fault. i buat salah die marah i. that's how he want me to be human and be who i am. why you my bro, took it the wrong way? thinking die marah sbb tak sayang? die marah why my dad tak treat adik the same as him? oh myyyy im tired. i don't care if he just duduk diam diam mogok sorang MSALAHNYA HE GET MAD TO ALL OF US. and now, die pgg prinsip, i don't touch ur stuff so don't you dare touch mine. like.........

its even more sad cos his my bro. if his not. orang cm die iza dh buang dah dlm hidup. like mmpus kau ah. tp cos his my bro. someone i love someone i respect and look for. but now im asking, did he still my role model?

dulu die tak kesah kalau iza berlagak dgn die, die lek je. skrang die rasa insulted, pastu nnt die tk nk layan izah. dulu die tk kesah pon izah msuk bilik die nk tgk movie, die muke bengang pon senyum je and terus bukak kan, but now.... iza mintak something pon die mcm pndg slact, mcm awk tk pernah buat apa pon tuk angah. die bg jugak lah tp muke mcm menyampah gile. like haihhh.

it's sad because he don't talk about what he was going through, he talk to everyone like he doesn't have any probs. but he can't hide it. he truly can't. and it looks like im the bad person cos he always nasihat me and all even perangai skrng mmg rasa cm apehal tah die ni, but die still prvide me nasihat. which, i feel like crying. like it's sad... am i the one who feeling ungrateful? i ask my self. dulu izah geletek die die ok je, now i nk main dgn die die pndg slack. it's embarassing.

die pernah pndg izah slack sbb time tu die gelak gelak pstu izah dtg kt mama puji mama, then mama suap kan izah watermelon 2 times.. pastu die tunggu lama idk maybe hoping mama nk suap kot. then die jeling die nk blah. the moment die bla, mama ckp "ngah awk naa..." he continued bla without looking back. i'm sorry to mama cos i always witnessed the effort mama put on him. how sad!. serious... i cried while i wrote this. yess i do cried.