its just sad

its so sad, when you think your parents don't love and care for u but act they do love and carE. it's sad because in the end, you blame them for not getting the love you should get. but it's not. it's all your fault because they didn't MEAN TO HURT YOU YET YOU FEEL HURT. same as you annoy someone without you realise. is it ur fault when you didn't mean to? NO IT'S NOT UR FAULT.

it's abs someone's fault if his or her intention is to make you mad or annoyed.
i feel so mad at my bro truthfully i do. why he didn't see the love mama and ayah kasi? why must he dwell on past and said, mama and ayah are the reason he become like that.
you know what. you almost make me mencarut to you. HOW FUCKING SELFISH. and don't say i dont understand. i do. they are my parents i know them. but do i dwell? no! because i know they did it for a reason. i pernah kene tarik rambut lah sbb rebut remote. ayah pernah marah i lah sbb menangis time tu telinga berdarah die suruh diam. but do i blame him for it? no. cos it's all my fault. i buat salah die marah i. that's how he want me to be human and be who i am. why you my bro, took it the wrong way? thinking die marah sbb tak sayang? die marah why my dad tak treat adik the same as him? oh myyyy im tired. i don't care if he just duduk diam diam mogok sorang MSALAHNYA HE GET MAD TO ALL OF US. and now, die pgg prinsip, i don't touch ur stuff so don't you dare touch mine. like.........

its even more sad cos his my bro. if his not. orang cm die iza dh buang dah dlm hidup. like mmpus kau ah. tp cos his my bro. someone i love someone i respect and look for. but now im asking, did he still my role model?

dulu die tak kesah kalau iza berlagak dgn die, die lek je. skrang die rasa insulted, pastu nnt die tk nk layan izah. dulu die tk kesah pon izah msuk bilik die nk tgk movie, die muke bengang pon senyum je and terus bukak kan, but now.... iza mintak something pon die mcm pndg slact, mcm awk tk pernah buat apa pon tuk angah. die bg jugak lah tp muke mcm menyampah gile. like haihhh.

it's sad because he don't talk about what he was going through, he talk to everyone like he doesn't have any probs. but he can't hide it. he truly can't. and it looks like im the bad person cos he always nasihat me and all even perangai skrng mmg rasa cm apehal tah die ni, but die still prvide me nasihat. which, i feel like crying. like it's sad... am i the one who feeling ungrateful? i ask my self. dulu izah geletek die die ok je, now i nk main dgn die die pndg slack. it's embarassing.

die pernah pndg izah slack sbb time tu die gelak gelak pstu izah dtg kt mama puji mama, then mama suap kan izah watermelon 2 times.. pastu die tunggu lama idk maybe hoping mama nk suap kot. then die jeling die nk blah. the moment die bla, mama ckp "ngah awk naa..." he continued bla without looking back. i'm sorry to mama cos i always witnessed the effort mama put on him. how sad!. serious... i cried while i wrote this. yess i do cried.