just lol

in my life, there are two things that i extremely hate.
first is me myself telling people about my good deeds.
second is people who blame me over nothing. or i blame someone over nothing

tha is the two things i can't withstand it. for the first matter, i just brush it off when people provoke me saying " alah,,, buat kerja rumah sikit je tu pon.. bukan buat ape pon" or "awk dok rumah buat apa eh" with a contrary replied i said "okay, tkpelah... awk tk nmpk" this matter is easy to brush off by thinking they did not know what i did. im not trying to be egoistic or have a huge pride of myself as i know my contributes are nothing. but i just hate seeing myself taking credit for what i did eventho it is provoking. i didn't do it for them. and i hate to justify to other that i did more than that person or what soever. (i even hate people did that to me as well but not as much as i hate mysef doing it. lol when this people do that, all i think about their amount of sincerity on doing something)

but regarding sec matter, i just can't seem to forgive. it is a huge problem for me as i don't want to look at someone with a grudge. but i just can't seem to help it. im a normal human being you know. when they blame me, i will remember it for ever if it is the thing i would not have done. seriously. i even hate blaming others or said that 'you are at fault' when being forgiven is matter more than a stupid fight.
you know what my sister blamed me for making my sis's bed (first daughter) in a mess cause i had ONCE slept on it (during evening nt even at night). then she told me while my bro supported it and be like "angah dah agak dah izzah mmg, tk yah ckp ah" JUST FUCK ASS. BEFORE THIS, my bro had told me that you can't sleep in their bed when they are not there. i said" yes mmg lah, izah mne pnh tidur situ. izah tidur bila along jemput je". then i made a promise to myself that i would not ever sleep on their bed even tho my sis persuade me. since then, mmg i tak tidur. to me, its and insult if one give an advice. that is why i tried to correct it right away. then this one time i slept, SISTER, LOL you know why i slept, cause YOU ARE BUZY CLEANING OUR ROOM with a vaccum. lol. and fyi, i saw you slept there two times in evening i remembered having to wake you up ;). okay that part does not making me angry the angry part is she keep insisting it and said "awk jgn buat buat lupa eh" i know i remembered but at that time it was too sudden and i end up saying " izzah baring sbb nk tgk result". I COULDN'T EVEN JUSTIFY MYSELF. yeah i suck at fight. and my bro supported it you had no idea how angry i am. just,, right now.. could not bring myself to forgive. im sorry. it just too much.

lots of people like to look down on me. belittle me all you want because my capability is more than you think. lol. some people just though they know better than i know myself. when they don't know my capability, sometimes they got mad at me or say mean things. it hurt but i won't back off. your word just aren't worth of mine.

and i also hate when people say they give up on me. i always be and always gonna be remembered the time when a few people in my life gave up on me. i can forgive but i will never forget. if they love me, they wouldn't say they give up on you. and i thank my mum out of all for always says that its too soon for me to give up on my daughter and they are my daughter, i know they can. your words keep me moving forward. im sorry guys if you have to read  this. you can judge me all you want but im super emotional today. all i can do is pray to Allah. who ever read this, pls pray for all ummah in this dunia to obtain hidayah and petunjuk from Allah and to always rely on Allah whether in good times or bad. ;))