learn life the hard way

now i realize,
every time you try to look up to those successful people whom you admire and respect with a dream to be like one,
you need to also look down to those who are in need, who hurdle more problems in life than you have ever experience.

yet sometimes, i got bicker, i got mad and ask myself "why my life is like this?! why i encounter these kind of people?"

but little did i know, there are people out there making doa, in thankful mood for the food they got for the first time today, in anxious mood thinking when they will die as battle strike upon their country, in resigned mood for the broken family and handicapped children.
how there are many people out there, wishing for a good life like us, yet we still live in vain and clueless about what we want actually in our life.
most of the point that people neglect: every time you look up, you need to look down.
like i said, every time look up, you have to and need to look down.

in life, we prevent ourselves from an evil act of human, listening to peoples' story about this and that. then, take a handful of advice for your better future. but we often neglect the nice people around us, who help, we forget to show our gratitude due to our ignorant self.
we are too busy preparing ourselves from bad guys that we foresee the good deed some human did. forgetting to show gratitude, instead, preparing ourselves by building a higher guard to save yourself. and i don't know how a high wall can save you. it can be broken you know. you can use some tools and settle this damn wall.

but when it comes to unity, it will never die. and you will always be secure physically and mentally. people can give you the warmest advice. people can help you when one's is in need. you can't live without them. yess. but most importantly, we can't live without our creator who could gives us the most calming inner peace that we have ever had. i learn not to depend on human the hard way. letting your heart to a man won't make you happier. once, you let your man support your heart. their absence will surely break you even more. i can't say this man don't deserve me. i can't say i hate him when deep in heart i still do. but, all i can do is pray to Allah for his better outcome and me, to learn what i've been through is not permanent and will eventually go away. well it is not. when i think about him, i still feel sad and like him even more, but one ting for sure, praying keep myself from doing the absurd thing like yelling at him or tell him to go away. if i follow my heart, i've been dying to do that. but on the contrary of my iman, i let him go in the most blissful way. i love Allah. and my heart belongs to Allah. i want to be in love because of Allah. to have children or building my marriage empire because of Allah. but right now i'm still weak. may Allah protect us and guide us to the right path.💗💜

we all need to learn how to love, learn how to receive and learn when to protect and guard ourselves. i leave it to you to figure that out.

in life, you will encounter with people that will bring you down, people who be little of what you did and say, people who judge you based on your appearance.

but always keep in heart, that what you did is for Allah, Our Creator. Who create this world.
don't love your boyfriend more than you love Allah.
don't love your family, friends and husband more than you love Allah.

but love them because of Allah.
that's our main objective in life. guide us.. guide muslims, and guide non muslim to the right path.
if islam is not the right path i would choose the other path.
but living in vain, i couldn't see any other religion more guided and well constructed other than islam.
no question needed when it is related to Islam Law. because most of them are unquestionable due to its logic.

research shows tht 80% contents in al quran is true. while remaining 20% is unknown. they don't say it's correct or false but that 20% is where al quran will prone to be true as time goes by. that means they still on research and sooner or later, truth will be reveal.

not talking to him is better than talking to him. because all i receive is a judgement statement. not a single of encouragement but only fault to be pick.

why why you have to do that?
not only that, you even get mad because you think i don't have better judgement on things and i tend to follow what other people says. not thinking what you think is way better than noticing your opinion about me.

damn you...

im more thankful thinking that im not your favourite rather than to hurdle this relationship that i'm not even comfortable at first...

damn you....

why i have to be your favorite? pls take back your words.

relationship was create between to parties who we want to be comfortable with and accept each other jokes. but your words are unaccepted.

interview for usm-kle

okay hiiii. most of you who want to apply it or already got the iv letter mesti cari this kind of entry. sokay. ai ponn sama gak dulu hahahaha

i go straight to the point lah because i really hate entry that's start with you life lah bla bla haihh.

okay during my time,you need to be there by 7.30 am at usm kelantan. don't go yg penang nye lak.
then pegi bahagian bangunan yg tulis "pusat pengajian sains perubatan" x silap die dekat dgn entrance.
ok then you wear a very nice clothes lah. that's appropriate for the iv.
then you just register yourself and continue follow your supervisor, something like that. then will be gather in a room to wait for your next turn. THEN BALIK.
senang je weh. i even slept during my flight time hahahaha cos i don't feel that nervous honestly. you just have to be confident and don't make your english probs as a barrier to you ok ? even i tak thu english but bantai je lah.

but before you go for the iv, pls do some research about it. pls and pls. they will ask knowledge about the university and all (but for mine simple je tk de pon tnye pelik pelik)

okay the question are:
tell me about yourself? you just tell ur name, where you study, your personality and anything you want lah
why you choose this usm kle? erm,, ni jwb je jujur. hahaha most of them know we pick this course as a backup plan. so yeah hehehe just tell honestly why. honesty beat them all.
why you want medic? why don't you want to be a nurse? nurse pon tolong orang? nurse pon belajar anotomy semua? .......i laugh and answer with confident hahahahaha
then he ask about my financial? who would support your study? cos jpa don't cover for our prog usm-kle? (yes, you have to pay on your own or find a scholarship )

that's all. they don't ask much. then by 11am i already finish.

now i understand

yes i maybe say that i don't understand why some people don't blame themselves when they misbehave or something happened to them.
now.. i understand....

some people are fill with negativity and some are positivity.  you just got to born with it. i must say i was born not to care. and that is why i rarely blame others for what happen. but as i got older, i see how society influence us in many different ways. we may get negative along the way or the other way round. but ppl who is having a hard time because of someone, it's rude for me to just say FORGIVE. because i know it's not easy. eventho you want to forgive, you tend to remember back what he or she did, then you will start to boil up.

thus, it's rude for me to not understand people who couldn't open to society because society have influence them in a negative way. they tend to keep barrier so that they won't be hurt again. i know it's not easy, to be living like that when human's love is what you want the most. this is just a for protection to yourself. i understand. it is not easy. society aren't helping.

some of you may built a trauma or anxiety along the way. but just so you know, it is not your fault. don't blame yourself for what happened. this context must be a contrary from what i wrote previously but i just learn that not blaming yourself is the best way for people who experience too much burden upon themselves that make them so reluctant to continue living.

to those people, i just want to give a hug and pet on the back while saying "YOU DID ENOUGH DEAR, DO WHAT YOU THINK BEST FOR YOU"

BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY THINK I COULD GIVE.

when a person were given a task that he or she dont have the strength to continue surviving, that's when he or she lose patient and need support from others.

let me land you guys a word of comfort. "i do understand, and i know it's not easy but keep fighting because you worth a million than you think you are."

if i cant comfort you enough. go to Allah, and tell Him everything. Almighty God knows our pain my dear. seriously.

"you won't know EXACTLY how someone's feeling unless it is given the task upon you"

its just sad

its so sad, when you think your parents don't love and care for u but act they do love and carE. it's sad because in the end, you blame them for not getting the love you should get. but it's not. it's all your fault because they didn't MEAN TO HURT YOU YET YOU FEEL HURT. same as you annoy someone without you realise. is it ur fault when you didn't mean to? NO IT'S NOT UR FAULT.

it's abs someone's fault if his or her intention is to make you mad or annoyed.
i feel so mad at my bro truthfully i do. why he didn't see the love mama and ayah kasi? why must he dwell on past and said, mama and ayah are the reason he become like that.
you know what. you almost make me mencarut to you. HOW FUCKING SELFISH. and don't say i dont understand. i do. they are my parents i know them. but do i dwell? no! because i know they did it for a reason. i pernah kene tarik rambut lah sbb rebut remote. ayah pernah marah i lah sbb menangis time tu telinga berdarah die suruh diam. but do i blame him for it? no. cos it's all my fault. i buat salah die marah i. that's how he want me to be human and be who i am. why you my bro, took it the wrong way? thinking die marah sbb tak sayang? die marah why my dad tak treat adik the same as him? oh myyyy im tired. i don't care if he just duduk diam diam mogok sorang MSALAHNYA HE GET MAD TO ALL OF US. and now, die pgg prinsip, i don't touch ur stuff so don't you dare touch mine. like.........

its even more sad cos his my bro. if his not. orang cm die iza dh buang dah dlm hidup. like mmpus kau ah. tp cos his my bro. someone i love someone i respect and look for. but now im asking, did he still my role model?

dulu die tak kesah kalau iza berlagak dgn die, die lek je. skrang die rasa insulted, pastu nnt die tk nk layan izah. dulu die tk kesah pon izah msuk bilik die nk tgk movie, die muke bengang pon senyum je and terus bukak kan, but now.... iza mintak something pon die mcm pndg slact, mcm awk tk pernah buat apa pon tuk angah. die bg jugak lah tp muke mcm menyampah gile. like haihhh.

it's sad because he don't talk about what he was going through, he talk to everyone like he doesn't have any probs. but he can't hide it. he truly can't. and it looks like im the bad person cos he always nasihat me and all even perangai skrng mmg rasa cm apehal tah die ni, but die still prvide me nasihat. which, i feel like crying. like it's sad... am i the one who feeling ungrateful? i ask my self. dulu izah geletek die die ok je, now i nk main dgn die die pndg slack. it's embarassing.

die pernah pndg izah slack sbb time tu die gelak gelak pstu izah dtg kt mama puji mama, then mama suap kan izah watermelon 2 times.. pastu die tunggu lama idk maybe hoping mama nk suap kot. then die jeling die nk blah. the moment die bla, mama ckp "ngah awk naa..." he continued bla without looking back. i'm sorry to mama cos i always witnessed the effort mama put on him. how sad!. serious... i cried while i wrote this. yess i do cried.

idk

every time i tell someone how i feel, i always feel nervous cos telling someone usually not going to help me from solving the prob. instead, it's only add up to more problems. most of them did not listen, i haven't finish, they already giving me their advice. not being selfish or anything, but i don't wish to here any, their feedback seems like a judging one. so, i couldn't be bothered. 

my problems, i can solve it on my own. i'm strong cos i only shared my prob w Allah and only ask for Allah's help. when i rely on humans, i started to feel uneasy and guilty. 

WHY DO I WANNA BE A DENTISTRY?

it is fate

people like to look down on me. sometimes they think that i'm not capable of doing work that is too heavy, as they see the side of me that is very girly and polite.

i didn't mean to judge them as they judge me, but what they said really put me in an ignorance and annoyance mood. they just put me down on the level that they see me.

i just know... i believe... deep down i was born to help others. i was born to be a doctor. i was born to tell people my opinion about action that im gonna took. but,, why it got shaky every time i did those things? they laugh at me. said my opinion is weird. they said i'm easily persuaded. like what else did they want!? want me to rebel and be rude!? then they would say, okay you are a person with philosophy and a strong heart. is it? now my enthusiastic has become an anger. i loose if i let anger control me

so therefore, people out there, you can judge, you can say and laugh, i will always smile and pray for your goodness. and im make sure i do it because i want to do it. and i will be happy being a doctor or dentistry. it is my priority to help whoever in needs. 

wudu'

most people judge Islam because they are influence by media. what media told them, what they hear from others, which could lead to a negative perspective.
but if they truly know and understand what Islam actually is, they will never felt a burden instead, a peaceful religion to begin with.
reason why i choose islam, and why islam will always be in my heart?

before anything else, have you ever see or read about other religion where you find it is too burdensome and extreme? i have. there are some religion mix with superstition which i find no logical meaning behind it. to tell you truth i think it becomes ikutan from ancestor. now a days, most people follow a religion because their parents are from that religion, they didnt ask why are wwe in this religion? why ? why there is actually a religion? i remembered when i was little, my dad forbidden me to think about this matter. at that time i was so mad, like its up to me what i wanna think. but as i grew older, now i understand. because when we are little, our mentality is still not mature. most of our information are influence by the environment. we unable to think logically and decide which one is correct and which one is not. so yeahh,
okay back to the religion part, well yeah, this type of religion i push it aside cause sometimes it just dont make sense. then, i started to look at other religion as well. some of these religion have a very contradict verses of their books. like different books have different verses. where sometimes it is contradict.
one thing about islam, it only got one book , Al quran. everywhere you go there is only one book. i don't know. al quran gives a person an inner peace to whoever read it. Al quran is not only for muslim. i heard from one of the ustaz in surau. he said that islam is not for muslim. islam is a religion for all human kind and al quran is for all human being. we need to read it and know it. because al quran write about how we should live, what is right what is wrong, scientific knowledge of how we were born. it just so deep. scientist said 80% of the alquran is correct. and the remaining 20% is vague ( it is not known yet whether it is true or not which means they still discover the truth about Alquran) (im sorry if this info wrong but that is what i heard from dr zulkarnain)
and, i just love islam. you never feel burden. Allah counts your efforts and not how many you did your deeds. all is aboout your effort. and never a burdern. if you can't stand you can pray sit down if you can't sit down u can pray with your back on your bed.
and the best thing about islam is wudu'. where you wash your face, hand, hair, and leg 3 times each time you pray for salah. it just amazing. don't wipe it after you done, leave it. you will feel refresh ofc. but you have this feeling of calmness and wanting this moment to forever last. that is how i feel everytime i take wudu'! no kidding. you need to do it with the mindset of i do this for Allah. MasyaAllah. that is the berkat that Allah gives us.
is i grew older, you know it is hard to maintain your iman (as sometimes you are too busy with the dunia), it is normal. you just have to ask Allah to always walk you to straight path, whatever the reason is.
to people who read this, whether you are a muslim or not, i just wanna say, never afraid to find out about other religion. it will not harm you trust me, only benefits. there will be times where you a stuck and feel hopeless as you know more about religion, it is okay. you are studying. but during your path of study, always believe in Allah. always and always believe that Allah will show you the path and light. just keep trying. never give up. find out about all religions and the truth shall be known. ;)) mkae judgement when you have full knowledge on something okay. and last but not least, im just an ordinary human being who is a believer of Allah, nabi muhammad, and the truth of alquran. i make mistakes, i have my own path where i regret of taking. but that never puts me down. i know Allah loves me that is why He showers me with a feeling full of regret. just keep learning guys... and im still learning  :))😆😁

fear of failure

right now, i felt like dumbfounded, blank and perplexed.
during my school time, i always compete with my own self before others. because i have this feeling of i can do it if they can do it.
because i believe practice never betray.

but now.. i felt betray. i tried hard, did what i had to do but why some people just don't have to work hard but are in the level with where i i am right now. i tried thinking i did my best, but when i look at others, i feel soo sad, they had more than me even though we work hard together. i know it is rezeki and luck but i really feel crushed! like i asked myself, can i do this? can i be the best in my own field of study? i told my bro that i want to be a dentistry. im not that passionate about being one. i choose this path because i want to challenge myself. i like to communicate with people directly and love to help others who are in need. but he told me "iza, you are not fit to become one, awk tahu jd dentist ni susah, awk ppunye tgn tak seni lah.." i just went blank. i've having a hard time enough to choose my path and yet there are people who would just do that.
lots of people ask betul ke nk jadi dentistry ni. because they look at me like i have no certainty about my career path. truthfully, i want to be a pharmacist. it's because i like things involving colours and mesurement and pharmacist have this weird name they used for medicine which i like. but then my mum wouldn't approve it. she said that  being pharmacist you can't make decision. so she introduce me to medic.. i told her that is the last path i would choose. then she said okay, why don't you be a dentistry? well. ive never though of dentistry before. then i googled up. but takdelah i rasa teruja ke apa. like biasa. but what thrilled me is the surgery they done. the blood part oh my god..... so thrilling!!!!!!! but i asked myself... would i want to be a dentistry? would i want to become a dentistry?

I DOO AND I DOOO.... but you know what's making me pause? terang terang i cakap, i'm not gifted in biology. i tried and tried but my improvement is only a little. i like biology. really i do? i don't hate it. but you know about biology, you felt you write well but your score is too low than you expected. like you never go that bar of yes.. this is what i should get. then... one day, this hatred of bio just come out. i told my friends that i don't want to be a doctor!! never!! or anything related to biology!. i create prejudiced of biology upon myself.
but here i am, applying for dentistry and medic. and i got both offer. im not proud. just grateful that at least i got opportunity. but i'm so damn scared... seriously.... when i look at others. why they are better than me? its okay if i don't work hard and they work their ass off. but in fact, i work as hard as them. my interest in biology is as much as them. why!!!!!!!!!! everywhere i went during my asasi, i would hold and read my biology notes smpi kawan ckp, "kau tkde bende lain ke nk baca.. ashik baca bio je"
BUT WHY MY RESULT IS NOT AS SUPER AS THEIR. WHY MUST I GOT A BIT LESS THAN THEM!!!!!!! WHY!!!!!!!

others subject, i didn't pay so much attention as i know i can do it. (physics especially, i never expect to get A everytime exam. it just too simple and challenging)
you would say im not being grateful... no i am!!! but right now, my path of career is related to biology. i'm scared that because of this subject, i can't help others as much as i can. like i can't give back to the community like i should have. i envy my mum. she can remember medical terms easily and i see her she can do it. well. yes.. im her daughter. i resembled my mum a lot. for instance, in term of stregth, both of us will always got a high score in mathematics ( me i always got high marks in physic while my mum in chemistry). in term of personality, i'm much like her. the difference is that, my mum is so rajin. she can stay studied for hours. while me? i can only sit and study for 30 min, then break then continue ( that my style of study, if i don't do this, i would feel so sleepyyy) and she has so strong daya ingatan. while me? i tend to forget...which is suck.... people would say it's normal but i felt it is a minus point for me. i want to work with people directly. but i can't seem to display my cards if i keep forgetting things. is this my faith? am i choosing the right career path? i just want to be strong....

about kids

i just have a funny feeling, that sometimes i felt like having kids and sometimes i'm not.
thing about kids is that it is not easy to raise one. and most of us who raises one would probably teach their children different way from how they were treated by their parents. well, it is a norm as these childern is our loves one. ofc we want the best for them right?

well i choose to choose that way..
as i grow, i once told myself that i will not use the same method as my parents in term of parenting. but then i asked myself, can they survive in this harsh world if i teach them that way?

during my childhood, i really have a hard time. to tell you the truth, i found it inconvenient when my parents talked about problems(orgossip) in front of us. because that only gives a negative perspective toward us. then i told myself i would never share my problem ever again in front of my kids... but then again. i asked my self. what if they can't survive in this harsh world? as i did not even shared to them the actual story of society or the real problem in life... as you know, the problem my parents told me were partly why i tried to be careful and take precaution steps in life.

THIS IS JUUST SO DAMN HARD T.T

should i just think this through when i act have one? hope it is not too late ;))

just lol

in my life, there are two things that i extremely hate.
first is me myself telling people about my good deeds.
second is people who blame me over nothing. or i blame someone over nothing

tha is the two things i can't withstand it. for the first matter, i just brush it off when people provoke me saying " alah,,, buat kerja rumah sikit je tu pon.. bukan buat ape pon" or "awk dok rumah buat apa eh" with a contrary replied i said "okay, tkpelah... awk tk nmpk" this matter is easy to brush off by thinking they did not know what i did. im not trying to be egoistic or have a huge pride of myself as i know my contributes are nothing. but i just hate seeing myself taking credit for what i did eventho it is provoking. i didn't do it for them. and i hate to justify to other that i did more than that person or what soever. (i even hate people did that to me as well but not as much as i hate mysef doing it. lol when this people do that, all i think about their amount of sincerity on doing something)

but regarding sec matter, i just can't seem to forgive. it is a huge problem for me as i don't want to look at someone with a grudge. but i just can't seem to help it. im a normal human being you know. when they blame me, i will remember it for ever if it is the thing i would not have done. seriously. i even hate blaming others or said that 'you are at fault' when being forgiven is matter more than a stupid fight.
you know what my sister blamed me for making my sis's bed (first daughter) in a mess cause i had ONCE slept on it (during evening nt even at night). then she told me while my bro supported it and be like "angah dah agak dah izzah mmg, tk yah ckp ah" JUST FUCK ASS. BEFORE THIS, my bro had told me that you can't sleep in their bed when they are not there. i said" yes mmg lah, izah mne pnh tidur situ. izah tidur bila along jemput je". then i made a promise to myself that i would not ever sleep on their bed even tho my sis persuade me. since then, mmg i tak tidur. to me, its and insult if one give an advice. that is why i tried to correct it right away. then this one time i slept, SISTER, LOL you know why i slept, cause YOU ARE BUZY CLEANING OUR ROOM with a vaccum. lol. and fyi, i saw you slept there two times in evening i remembered having to wake you up ;). okay that part does not making me angry the angry part is she keep insisting it and said "awk jgn buat buat lupa eh" i know i remembered but at that time it was too sudden and i end up saying " izzah baring sbb nk tgk result". I COULDN'T EVEN JUSTIFY MYSELF. yeah i suck at fight. and my bro supported it you had no idea how angry i am. just,, right now.. could not bring myself to forgive. im sorry. it just too much.

lots of people like to look down on me. belittle me all you want because my capability is more than you think. lol. some people just though they know better than i know myself. when they don't know my capability, sometimes they got mad at me or say mean things. it hurt but i won't back off. your word just aren't worth of mine.

and i also hate when people say they give up on me. i always be and always gonna be remembered the time when a few people in my life gave up on me. i can forgive but i will never forget. if they love me, they wouldn't say they give up on you. and i thank my mum out of all for always says that its too soon for me to give up on my daughter and they are my daughter, i know they can. your words keep me moving forward. im sorry guys if you have to read  this. you can judge me all you want but im super emotional today. all i can do is pray to Allah. who ever read this, pls pray for all ummah in this dunia to obtain hidayah and petunjuk from Allah and to always rely on Allah whether in good times or bad. ;))

just.. just give me a break

i don't know why i prefer writing my feeling here rather than in a book. (yelah, in book nnt my sibing baca, they like to look at ur stuff u know). here, eventho it is publicly publish, i don't mind cos only people yg eager to know me will search for it hehe.

you know what, im just sooo tired, not tired from stuff or humans, just tired of people's hope and reliance on me. it is sooo burden. most of them think im a capable woman, super woman, bagus lah sbb suke tolong, then they hope for more. when i asked them to do it, their replied is that just because u can doesn't mean everyone can do it? " huh, i just want to break off with a LOL out loud. why can't you try? why everything you put a stop by saying, "you can, and i can't, so deal with it". gosh. you know it sound like a compliment ( like kau boleh, aku tk leh,, aku tk hebat cm kau) but it the opposite of compliment. it is more like " kau boleh, aku mana reti, so kau lah buat" like.... if i wasn't thinking about doing it for Allah ( and willingly do it for their sake), i would have done things out of the norm.

 sometimes i just break off from being sadness and act ignorance.sometimes, i pretend to smile just to prevent others from feeling what i feel( where i hate to see them down cos of me). but to tell you the truth, i'm not that strong, i can easily cried silently, i terasa alot. i had lots in mind where i can't put it in words.

basically, i had to rely on my own. cause they rely to me. i rely on my own to the fact when i'm sad, i console myself, to the fact that all my sorrow and disappointment i keep it to myself, and when im happy, i gratitude myself and give credit to myself for what i did. when they asked are you okay, i said "im okay, biasa je" and they compliment me for being so strong. well im just not!!

moral: i maybe complain right now, but i hope as i grow older, i will learn that their reliance on me is much more gift than i think. and hope that they rely on me is not important as long as they are happy. but for now, i just could not be strong enough. the burden is unbearable. just just.... just sighing.
if i want a man, i want a man whom i can rely my feeling to. and help me when i need help. i can be a leader but i need a helper who can help me no matter what. ;))

my university life.

you know what, i remembered walking with my fellow friends and they were talking about me and my twins. one of my guy friends said that "ee comel nye anak kembar" me replying : bende kau ni hahahaha" " tak serius... comel lah tolak due stroller an,, kembar sebelah sebelah.. comel nye"

oh my that is exactly what he said.
hahahaha yg lawak nye i was sooooo cair. HE TALK ABOUT BABIES IN FRONT OF ME...
ok first, guy won't talk stuff like that in front of u "FRIENDS" unless he is matured. (it means this guy already look at the future, mybe he had plan about his own marriage i don't know)

act, this guy i always look at him. die je tk perasan. he couldn't even look at me straight into my eyes for a minute because he was so shy. he talks terketar ketar. u know what i mean? like mcm "eh mana adda lah zai,, eh yeke ye ye eh ye oh aaa aah aah" camtuuu.but seriously he is super cute. one thing about him, he really likes to go to surau. masuk waktu je, he excused himself if necessary and went to surau or masjid to pray. people called him budak cantik cause his proportion figure is on point and perfect.
and bile die gaduh, he tried to state his opinion but terketar ketar tp yg lawaknye kalau die marah, die akan blushing. seriously..

okay,,, WHAT DID I DO IN UNIVERSITY HUH? hahhahaha tgk tgk jugak. but i tried to stay focus and belajar. i regret taking my sis advise on man. she said" eh masuk u cpt cpt kapel. laki byk hot. nnt jimat duit sbb die belanja" bila fikir balik. what a stupid advise. as if the money given from the parents to the guy are for me to use. IDIOT. yeah i called myself idiot. thank god i only hold this advise in asasi. serius dh nyesal. (my sis tk idiot. probably she advised out of joke. but i took it seriously, haihh)

ok back to the guy. my whole class tried to ngeneng ngeneng kan me and this other guy in my class. yeah muka mmg hensem, but thats all. like pnh tak jumpe laki hensem, tp tu je. cm.. tkde ape pon. well, Allah maha kaya. muka hensem perangai mmg tk uhmm. muka biasa ni lah perangai kelakar kelakar hahahaha. tp kan. pompuan muka hensem ni die tk kesah sgt. the important is their personality. this guy that i always look ni die pon apaa lagi. turut sama join lah bahan siss.. haih. but tkpe. i tabah i am strong gitu hehe. i just dont mind cause i dont even like him.

the moral is, there are maybe someone out there that have crush on u without u realise. so boys and girls. ALL OF U U R BEAUTIFUL AND HANDSOME. cayalah... someone ou there mesti wajib will have crush on u and for a moment think u r pretty. seriouslyyy. its the same like how u had crush on someone in silent while there are someone else will have crush on u in silent as well. what u give u get back lah senang cite hahaha. just be confident and be yourself. take my advise and nyah kau dri sini.. cey hahahhaa tkdelah. simpan molek dehh😊😊😊😊

one thing i experienced

hello pipsss,
today my topic is gonna be about "date hundred guys before u really find the perfect one"

i dont mean date as literally dating mcm couple, what i meant is that observed their personality before anything else.
i don't know maybe because maturity had hit me, but lately i felt that every time i meet a guy, his personality matters the most. muka hensem cmne pon hensem mmg hensem,,, but my heart won't just gooo agghhhhh. like hmm ok he is handsome.

if i like someone it is thoroughly because i like that person in heart and in personality,
i look for a guy who is matured and can handle responsibility.most of the guys i met like to depend on women (i dont know certain people attract certain guys). lately my heart bercampur aduk laaaaa, serius, i like how those days when i like someone i just trully love him and that is the purest thing i can remember. now, it just give me a headache to deal with a guy.

i just wish for a guy that i can be friends to. who not asking more than anything, respect my privacy, remind me of my creator, and be the kind of person that don't rely on things around him but instead deal himself with the creator.

university life had made me become more mature and look at people at different view and level.
oh yeah one thing,, this break im trying to teach myself english grammar hahahaha i dont want myself to get left behind while everyone marching forward for success. :)

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL INDEED

when i miss those moment in my life:

my sis got married

during raya time

its just that i had been through a lot this past month. and during the hardship, there was a time when i felt regret, hopeless, felt 'can i walk pass this hurdle?' but eventually, after times goes by, u know Allah will always be with u, i know that my prob had not completely gone, but my faith in Him does getting stronger.

u may say that my prob with u is different, indeed, it is. but the matter is that how you relate your self to the Creator. there was once in my life i felt like killing myself (not with a pisau haha maybe just a tiny scratch on my hand referred as rebellion) or I'm different ( a lot of time i felt that maybe because of my character, or my face i don't know) felt inferior,

but you know what, every time i felt that i cried and asked Allah repeatedly why I'm alive. why me? ofc no answer. but i felt that my life are getting easier. not because i was complaining. but because i rely on Him when things go worse. n u know what. how great that feels like ;)

JUST MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON. AND U READER. YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN PEOPLE STUPID WORD